Insanity, Habit, and Change

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

This quote came up twice today. Once, in a YouTube video I was watching earlier. And then just a half an hour ago in Orange Is The New Black.

I thought it must be something, and so here I am writing about it.

I think we can all relate to this quote. We continue life with the same habits expecting some change to occur. I keep hoping that something sparks me to share my story and write, but hoping isn’t going to get me there. I expect writing to always come fluently and easy. I expect the process to feel intensely enjoyable and meaningful. The truth is, this is work. I will not feel the benefits in this moment, but hopefully at some point I will be lucky enough to hear that I helped someone in their life in some way. Yet, I continue to struggle writing anything at all. I keep waiting until the next day.. and the next day.. to get some spark of inspiration. And majority of the time, it never comes.

Not until I get wrapped up in the writing itself do I feel like I am happy that I’m writing. I watch loved ones in my life go through the same thing. Continue to do the same self-destructing habits expecting that happiness is going to come knocking on their door.

Waiting for that one day. The one day that they believe their lives will change for the better. But that day may never come. It’s not rational to continue to wait until some special moment or special person appears at the door, relieving you from your troubles and bringing happiness. For one, that’s pretty much never going to happen. And two, that’s scary. If happiness is derived from something other than within yourself, it can be taken away.

You can’t control life circumstances, but you can control how you feel or react to them. You have to be able to ride the wave, and not allow it to suck you under.

You can control yourself, your feelings, and your attitude, but you can’t always control the situation.

It’s amazing to actually realize how irrational we are as humans. Our ego enters into a situation and completely controls how we react and feel. In conversations with my mother, at times I am able to see both of our egos clearly. It’s beyond interesting to be self-aware in mid-arguments with my mother and see both my ego and hers interact.

We cloud our affection for each other with a blanket of harsh and irrational words. In mid conversation, a battle begins within myself between my preconditioned stubbornness and the love and care I intend to convey to my mother.

I’m working on it. I will forever be working on it. A day isn’t going to magically come when I’m no longer stubborn, or when I no longer allow my ego to enter a conversation. I have to work on it, but my ego will always exist. It is in the moment where my being interconnects with my ego, and I must uncover my true intentions for a conversation and learn to share those positively. We often mask our underlying care for a person with unfortunate twists of words that do not convey what we intended. Becoming aware of your reactions within conversations is an eye-opening learning tool that can help anyone self-reflect enough to a point to change their lives and the lives around them.

We are all creatures of habit. We cling on to our preconditioned selves, and it’s what makes change challenging. Being able to identify our habits is the first step. Understanding how to incorporate those changes is another. And the hardest part is implementing the change and being able to sustain it. To be aware is the first step in changing anyone’s life. Become more aware in everything you do, the way you speak to people, the way you look at life. Be present, and take the time to understand yourself and how your mind works.

I don’t want to be insane anymore. I don’t want to wait for a day or a person to come along to help me off my broken path. I want to be actionable. I want to grab ahold of life and experience it for all it has to offer. The storms and the sunny days, and I want to be appreciative for all the lessons life continues to offer. I no longer want to hold myself back with the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, and if onlys. I am able and willing to accept what I can and cannot control.

The serenity prayer has a special place in my heart.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

In your conversations and daily habits, learn to be aware of how your habits are forming your life. Begin to understand the triggers, and the ways they hold you back from positive change.

I hope we can all live life fiercely chasing our dreams with understanding and acceptance of the things outside of our control. Let’s gain back our sanity, and make the changes in our daily lives necessary to living the life we imagine for ourselves. We only have one life, let’s make it count.