The Luxury of Becoming
Story: I used to live unknowingly in a fixed mindset.
I went from a 2.55 GPA one semester,
to a 3.93 GPA after changing my mindset.
Neither define me, I am ever-changing.
Strategy: Become aware and mindful of your internal dialogue.
Do you act from a fixed or growth mindset?
Science: Carol Dweck – The Growth Mindset
I am becoming.
I’ve crafted this state of curiosity, openness. Engaging in endeavors, activities, people, I otherwise wouldn’t have, to experience transformation and growth. Riding this rollercoaster of life through the ups and downs, learning lessons and uncovering meaning on the way.
I didn’t always think or live this way. I held firmly to my beliefs and created a false sense of self that was continually constructed by my experiences. Thinking like this limited every aspect of my being. Today, I realize how fleeting these beliefs are, how fleeting I am, this world. Today, I am living from a growth mindset and it was the best decision I ever made.
Carol Dweck is a world-renowned researcher and psychologist at Stanford University, and emphasizes the importance of the growth mindset and our capability of change.
“For 20 years, my research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value. How does this happen? How can a simple belief have the power to transform your psychology and, as a result, your life?”
This shift in mindset has transformed my own life. My mindset was created out of the way I would speak to myself – the beliefs I had molded around who I was, my own capabilities, and the way I viewed this world.
A growth mindset recognizes our ever-changing being, our ability to grow and change our intelligence, personality, etc. A fixed mindset is the opposite, the belief that our intelligence, personality, etc. is for the most part unchanging.
“When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world — the world of fixed traits — success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other — the world of changing qualities — it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself.
In one world, failure is about having a setback. Getting a bad grade. Losing a tournament. Getting fired. Getting rejected. It means you’re not smart or talented. In the other world, failure is about not growing. Not reaching for the things you value. It means you’re not fulfilling your potential.
In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort. In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.” – Carol Dweck
Our mindset acts as a lens constructed from our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Whether we are conscious of this or not, we are continuously molding our mindset. Our beliefs and experiences form into our identities – who we are, what we are capable of, how we interact with others, how we view this world. Our happiness and life satisfaction. Our mindset touches on nearly every aspect of our lives- reactions to certain situations, habits, careers, friendships, love. With awareness and effort, we can transform our mindset to benefit us.
As we grow older, some of us begin to fall into this fixed mindset. Unaware and unknowingly. We naturally crave for this stability and rationality. A fixed self, a storyline and a clear depiction of who we are and our role in this world. We want to make sense of ourselves and this world around us, because the unknown scares us. We construct fears and build a caged perception of who we are- stealing away our potential for growth. Yet, all we can really be sure of is the uncertainty of life.
Transitioning to a growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and training to shift your thinking. We have to practice awareness and mindfulness of our thoughts and habits, and make the transition to the growth mindset in moments of fixed beliefs.
“There was a saying in the 1960s that went: “Becoming is better than being.” The fixed mindset does not allow people the luxury of becoming. They have to already be.” – Carol Dweck
We are dynamic human beings, yet so often we cling to labels for ourselves and labels for others. I’ve made the decision to believe that my identity is not declared by my failures, my falls. In fact, it doesn’t reflect my triumphs and victories. This allows me to explore, fail, fall, achieve things without the burden and with the freedom to learn from new experiences and reach for things outside of my comfort zone.
I used to live unknowingly in a fixed mindset. If you would have asked me, I would have believed that our personality and intelligence are malleable and capable of growth. Yet, my actions and habits said otherwise. I was engulfed in the fixed mindset- afraid to fail, to put my ideas out there and be creative. I was afraid that it would reflect and alter my identity, that it would demote my perceived intelligence. I was worried what others would think of me. The fixed mindset is deeply connected to this urge to prove ourselves, a red flag in our lives especially when it prevents us from growth.
My first year of college was a great example of this. I received a 2.55 GPA my first semester, and I immediately dove into self-criticism. I almost chose to head back home and started to believe that college wasn’t for me. I couldn’t do it, I had failed. I was living and breathing the fixed mindset at the core, and I was completely unaware.
A year later, I made a lot of changes in my life – my nutrition, habits, and mindset. I received straight A’s the following semester as a result of the new healthy habits I included in my life. Now today, I realize that the 2.55 GPA didn’t define me, and neither did the 3.93 GPA. I have mostly removed my urge to focus on a specific end result, and emphasize the enjoyment of the process for what I do and learn.
My fixed mindset wasn’t only in the school setting, it was in many areas of my life. I became aware of how strongly I was consumed with this fixed self. I continued to focus on some end result- graduating with a great degree and a successful career path. I didn’t acknowledge the process, and how that would bring me true meaning. I didn’t factor in my need for growth and creativity, if the job I was pursuing would fulfill this. In America, we create these perceived linear paths for our future, although life doesn’t reflect this. It hinders our growth and flexibility to life’s curveballs. We stay confined in comfort zones and molded self-perceptions, and become distraught and disheartened when life takes us off this linear path. I’ve decided to float with the waves of life, not paddle frantically to this safe and known shore that is no longer in sight.
Becoming aware of our constant state of flux, the ebb and flows of life, grants us liberation. With radical acceptance, we can stop the fight with reality when bad things happen. We can learn to love and accept the present moment that has been handed to us, and learn any meaning and lessons that lie behind it.
Realizing that I, this world, is constantly changing is both scary and exciting. I will not be the same person I am today a year from now. Especially if I open myself up to change, and adopt a growth mindset. The old fixed mindset thoughts still arise in my life- telling me I am incapable of doing something, that I am afraid to try and fail. This is where I’m tested, I have to be constantly mindful of when I fall into this fixed mindset. I push through the resistance, and transform the thought or belief into one of the growth mindset.
What’s your internal dialogue? How do you speak to yourself? What beliefs do you hold?
Start with awareness. Become mindful of your current mindset, test your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. You are constantly changing based on your experiences and beliefs, be mindful of what exactly you are transforming into.
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Starting To Get It Right
Today, a sense of awareness knocked into me, stealing my breath to force me to feel, to question if how I was living today was my version of right.