Find Peace In The Storm of Struggle

In life, we will get caught in the downpour of difficult times, struggling to find stability and stillness. Life gets shaky and heavy, allowing us to become stronger. I hope that we all are able to find peace in the storm.

It’s hard watching your family fall apart, but it’s harder watching them become people that don’t feel so familiar. I often watch loved ones drown in their self-destructive habits, and I can’t say that I am fully at “peace” with it. Yet.

I’ve recently uncovered a number of philosophies that I want to live by. I project them onto those around me, hoping it can provide a sense of direction to their life or relief from their problems. I have seen this come true in my own life, so it would only be ideal to see it happen in the lives of those I love.

One of these philosophies is that you can control your feelings and reactions to life circumstances. The bad events in your life don’t have to hurt you, you choose your own feelings and you either allow it to hurt you or empower you. This is easier to do when the storm has settled, but so difficult to maintain when it’s pouring down the hardest.

When I watch a loved one choose destructive habits over my advice, I tend to get caught up in my feelings and upsettingly tell them how much pain they cause me.

“Don’t you always tell me that I control my feelings, that people don’t hurt me?”

The feeling that overwhelms my body in the midst of their self-indulgence is a complex formula of disappointment and resentment towards their suffering and self-pity, mixed unpleasantly with the past and present. I feel built up emotions from the last seven years of watching them continue to be swept up in a vicious cycle. These emotions come from a precise set of conditioned reactions and emotions I created myself.

The cycle goes like this..

I give solid advice that they soberly understand.
They participate in their self-destructive tendencies.
Once again, I give advice, and their response becomes defensive and they reshape my caring into criticism.
I watch as they twist my words and turn the table.
Wasting a beautiful life away on old memories and difficult tragedies.
Anger, disappointment, resentment flood my body from the last seven years.
In the wild, winded storm, I find it hard to control myself.
I begin to mirror their own irrational thinking, and say things I don’t mean.
In the settled storm, I can acknowledge my feelings, feel peace with the situation, and understand my own control as well as my lack of control.

It’s hard to accept that you choose your emotions, so we often blame someone else for the way we feel.

We choose our perception, we choose what we think is going to destroy us or empower us. We choose our view of life, and it’s powerful. Tragedies and unfortunate circumstances will always be part of life. They teach us to be grateful and patient. There is a positive lesson to learn from every circumstance, you just have to find it.

Sometimes I find myself thinking I need to stop giving advice, care a little less.
In reality, I need to stop connecting my own personal emotions and ego to the situation.
I can still give advice and care, but when she refuses to use it I need to accept it and not let that affect me.
The fact that they are not able to take my advice, doesn’t make it invaluable.
Caring less is a cop-out. Our lives are short.
We shouldn’t deprive ourselves of not giving our heart entirely to the world around us.
Love. Don’t expect it to be returned, but never regret giving it out.
Be open, loving, and caring for everyone and everything. Don’t let the world make you cold.

Through every heartache, every pain, there’s a lesson to be learned.

Search for it. Live it. Spread it.

Find Peace in the Storm.