Tap Into Your True Identity
We derive an identity from our internal and external perception of the world.
We cling to our self-definitions, giving us a sense of permanence and stability.
We are something.
Something is to be valued. Feeling significant is important in our connections with others. We design our identities around this craving for social acceptance, and we may substitute our authentic self for this feeling of belonging. Through interactions and experiences, our identity forms positive and negative self-concepts. With self-awareness and conscious effort, these self-concepts can be deconstructed.
What if we were
stripped of our identity?
Stripping ourselves of our current identity gives us room to evaluate and reconstruct a new and true identity. If we were no longer mentally and emotionally attached to our identity, we are able to unravel all of the boundaries we created. If we removed our self-definitions, would we find ourselves at unconventional events, meeting entirely different people, and endlessly exploring? We would welcome new experiences and possibilities, enabling us to continually grow.
It’s common to encounter life events that strip us of our identity. Mothers lose a sense of themselves when their children go off to college. Their “mother identity” feels different, no longer having to constantly attend to the needs of their children.
An NFL quarterback may encounter devastating injuries that takes him off the field for the rest of his life. A core part of his self-concept no longer exists, and he may turn to drugs or other bad habits to fill this missing piece of himself.
After a divorce, everything the couple had previously identified with were intertwined; friends, family, activities. A wife and husband can lose much more than their spouse, they can lose a sense of themselves. Their “wife and husband identity” is stripped, along with the stability of their life partner and shared activities.
A new identity emerges after painful events, based mainly on how we allow it to impact our ego and perception. As devastating as these events can be, they also hold a deep lesson for us to learn. Spending time self-reflecting to gain insight and resilience is key. We may have lost a piece of our old identity, but we have made room to gain a new one that was meant for us all along.
How does our identity impact
our view of ourselves and the world?
Stripping ourselves of our identities could reconstruct our entire inner and external world. What You See Is All There IS (WYSIATI). This concept was explored in Daniel Kahneman’s book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” which shed light on our cognitive biases, and how irrational our decisions and view of the world really are. We are limited by our current experiences and knowledge.
In the confound of our identities, we build personal and societal boundaries. We form social groups, and connect these relationships to our identity. Our identity can then be manipulated by these social groups, disconnecting us from our authentic self. Our identity places us on a self-defined scale of where we stand against others. Without this scale, large social issues of bullying, racism, and sexism would no longer exist. Social comparisons would evaporate with the negative feelings of jealousy and not being good enough.
Does our identity limit us from
pursuing our goals and dreams?
Our identities fabricate personal limitations. We create a safe, comfort zone, designed within constraints that decrease fear and the chance of failure. We allow our circumstances, traumas, failures, to exist in a permanent definition of ourselves that hinders our ability to reach our true potential.
Our current limitations do not define our future constraints. Telling yourself today, “I can’t do that,” doesn’t make it true tomorrow, or in a month. As we create new experiences and continue to learn, our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the world will change. We must force ourselves out of our comfort zones to be exposed to new possibilities that promote growth.
Forming Your True Identity
Work on distancing yourself from these identities, easing away the mental and emotional attachment you have to them. Detaching from your identity can make room for new possibilities and adventures with new people.
- Understand Your Current Self- What do you currently identify with?
- What activities and groups do you identify with?
- Are some of these definitions holding you back?
- Are these definitions flexible?
- Can these identities be taken away from you? How would that make you feel?
2. Identity Formation – How, why, and when did these identities form?
- Are some of these identities formed through social pressure?
- Have you constructed these self-definitions to satisfy how you want to be perceived by others?
- Why were these identifies formed?
3. Journey of the True Self
- What are your values, beliefs, and passions?
- Is your life an outward demonstration of your values, beliefs, and passions?
We are human, in a constant state of evolution. Our identities are unstable and impermanent, and we have the ability to reconstruct an entirely new one every day.